In part two of their grief conversation with a guest who writes a grief blog, Agnes and Ryan go through the well-meant things people say at funerals that hurt, such as 'she's in a better place,' and what to say instead. They cover why there is no timeline for grief, the value of listening and following through on offers of help, losing friends after a spouse dies, honoring a loved one's memory, and Agnes's bereavement group work.
Takeaways
- Simple, honest words work best: 'I'm so sorry for your loss' or 'I don't know what to say, but I'm here,' and then follow through on any offer of help.
- Avoid phrases like 'she's in a better place,' 'it was God's plan' or 'you'll see them again,' and avoid telling someone to snap out of it, because there is no set timeline for grief.
- Listening matters more than advice, and honoring a loved one through a memorial gesture, a donation drive or a shared story can help people heal.
Chapters
- 0:00 Welcome back and the guest's grief blog
- 3:41 Things people say that hurt at a funeral
- 7:56 Why people say the wrong thing
- 9:31 No timeline for grief
- 12:43 What you can say instead
- 16:25 A list of what to say and what not to say
- 19:02 When friends of the deceased drift away
- 21:38 Learning new things about your loved one
- 26:56 How counselors help: resources and listening
- 31:07 Honoring a loved one's memory
- 36:55 Self-care, crying and anger
- 42:08 Wrap-up and where to find help
More episodes: Love, Death & Taxes · all episodes